To My Dear Mummy,

I hear you talk about the day I was born to those around me, yet I don't get to tell you about the day I was born through my eyes. 

I remember the day so clearly, I was nestled closely into you. I was warm with water surrounding me. I could hear your heart beating through your body. I felt so safe and secure. I could hear your voice as you spoke to me sweet words and sung to me at night. As you walked, it would sway me to sleep. When you ate something yummy, I would jump for joy because I would enjoy it too! I thought this was life...

Then one day I began to feel this tightenings around me, like the walls were caving in. It wasn't too scary at first, but then these compressions began to get stronger. I decided it was best to head south, as I knew upwards wouldn't get me anywhere. These tight compressions began to get really strong. 

Then suddenly...I heard a loud 'POP!' all the water was leaving me? I felt so unsure, but I could still hear your heart beating so I knew I was okay. I closed my eyes and trusted you knew what to do. 

The compressions continued to get tighter, I felt like I was being squeezed out of you. I could hear you calling out for me, you sounded like you were in pain but I couldn't do anything to help you. I wanted to let you know that I was with you and that you were not alone. I continued to let your body do what was needed, I had to trust you. I had no other option but to go with what seemed natural.

From the minute that little warm body is placed on your chest you know that you have been given the biggest responsibility in the world...being the primary caregiver of a tiny, defenceless human being who needs you to survive.

I found this quiet daunting with my first two babies - I felt I didn't know what I was doing nor did I know where we were headed. I use to be a teacher - I was use to structure, timetables and teaching programs where I knew what the outcomes would be for each teaching day, week, month, term and school year. 

Any mother would agree with me that it feels as though as soon as you have them sorted out. You know what you're doing with confidence...THEY CHANGE! 

Any mother would also agree that it's when you feel on top of the world - when another mother will often unknowingly give you their advice on how you could improve on your mothering skills. BAM! You walk away feeling like a failure, an uninformed and horrible mother....Why? because your baby DOESN'T sleep for 12 hours night? (Which by the way is TOTALLY normal) Why? because you can't exclusively breastfeed and have to use formula? Why? Because you cuddle or feed your baby to sleep? Because you sleep train? Why? Because you start solids early? Start solids late? You get my drift.

I must admit that in the early days of being a mum - I was guilty of trying to support new mums but in the process made them feel like failures and, for that, I feel deeply saddened. I got so caught up on the latest info that I forgot to stop and see them as capable mums looking after their babies in the way that they believed was the best for them and their families. It has been through the experience of running an online forum that supports mums that I have learnt very quickly that most mums do the VERY best for THEIR child and THEIR needs. Sure there are parenting choices that I don't feel comfortable with but who am I to tell another mum what to do? We are all on this journey of motherhood, with each day, each month, each year and each child continuing to help shape and grow us into an even better mothers. 

The other day I started counting how many times I had a little voice in my head being the voice of judgement and guilt! I lost count in the end! I was constantly second guessing everything I did with my kids, even the way I change their nappies! I then realised that I am riddled with constant guilt for not being the best mum, for being seen as a mum who doesn't care for her children or a mum that doesn't seem to have perfect behaving children 100% of the time. As a mum, do you experience this? It's crazy! We shouldn't be doing this to ourselves!

I am fearing that our current world of information and social media is a two-edged sword. We have on one hand fantastic forums, groups, websites where mums feel supported and accepted - a safe place to ask questions and learn new ways of doing things - if THEY seek it. Then we have a world of judgement, blogs on how to do things better - because the way we do it is wrong in their eyes - and us mums being treated like we are cruel to our children and don't know how to care for them. I must ask - how on earth does that help anyone? Attacking mothers is simply not cool! (lol using a phrase like that probably shows my age!). 

We need to learn to have confidence in what we do as mothers, our choices or way of doing things. We need to do everything with the confidence and the knowledge that we are doing the best we can. The other day I told my husband that I felt like I was on mothering-prac when out in public - similar to that of teaching-prac. You know what you are doing but knowing you are being watched suddenly makes you feel insecure and you fumble your way through the moment until you can get home again to a place you feel less judged. 

But there is hope! The only way that things are going to change is if it stops here...right now...with YOU. Just like myself, we have all been guilty of judging other mums...so STOP IT! Support each other in each others parenting and choices - tell the mums around you that they are doing a great job raising their beautiful children. Because guess what? THEY ARE. Tell yourself everyday that YOU ARE a terrific mum in the eyes of your children. What others see and think has no bearing on your abilities as mother or on how much you love your children. Finally, let it go...let go of the guilt. It will continue to eat you up, and you will spend more time worrying about the moment than enjoying it. 

Continue to love your children and to learn hold your head high...because you are doing a wonderful job!

The Reflective Mum xx