Rhythm is something I've thought a lot about over the past few years. I long for a home filled with creativity, love and home made food. I have days with my little loves that seem to just flow. They are blissful days! I always try and remember what it was I did differently on those days. I'm definitely less distracted by my phone on the days that flow well which helps for me to remain present.
The days when I'm not feeling present, are when the wheels tend to fall off.
This week started strangely. I think it was a combination of things after being away for a week with Matt. Tullaroo seemed to react badly to a week away without him and became resentful towards me, lashing out with screaming and a temper I hadn't seen before! Meanwhile Jedi seemed to fade into the background while I tired to help him calm down several times while we were away, and then a few when we came home. I expected her to have a reaction after he settled back down and she did. So it was an interesting 10 days and gave me a chance to learn.
I posted an exasperated status update on facebook asking for gentle methods to cope with these sudden melt downs. I felt my babies had lost some trust in me temporaily which was quite heart breaking! When they are angry and upset, I feel it's almost always a direct response to my head space at that time. Or am I blaming myself unnecessarily?! Mothers are definitely prone to blaming ourselves when things go wrong but what I mean is, there is a level of disconnection between us at those times and I'm not really listening or observing their needs properly. Anyway, posting the question helped in itself, before the replies started flowing in.
As I clicked 'post' it occurred to me that when these melt downs are happening, they have a time frame. So instead of trying to stop it in its tracks, I would be better to allow Tully to really vent his anger and frustrations and to let him know I am there for him, calm and available for when he is ready for either a hug or chat. I was instead 'reacting' which never works.
They need to know we are able to cope with all of their moods, not just their happy ones. I believe in gentle parenting and thankfully there are lots of resources out there available to help inspire me to find alternative ways of parenting through the tougher days, when I start to doubt that my gentle approach can really work! I had heard about 'terrible twos' before (I don't like that term) and knew that what Tully was experiencing would fit that descripton, but he hadn't been so angry before and I felt there was an issue that needed resolving. So peace has been restored for now. I have asked them both not to scream at me when they are upset and get down on their level so I don't intimidate them by standing above them. It seems to be working for now.
Ali :-)
The days when I'm not feeling present, are when the wheels tend to fall off.
This week started strangely. I think it was a combination of things after being away for a week with Matt. Tullaroo seemed to react badly to a week away without him and became resentful towards me, lashing out with screaming and a temper I hadn't seen before! Meanwhile Jedi seemed to fade into the background while I tired to help him calm down several times while we were away, and then a few when we came home. I expected her to have a reaction after he settled back down and she did. So it was an interesting 10 days and gave me a chance to learn.
I posted an exasperated status update on facebook asking for gentle methods to cope with these sudden melt downs. I felt my babies had lost some trust in me temporaily which was quite heart breaking! When they are angry and upset, I feel it's almost always a direct response to my head space at that time. Or am I blaming myself unnecessarily?! Mothers are definitely prone to blaming ourselves when things go wrong but what I mean is, there is a level of disconnection between us at those times and I'm not really listening or observing their needs properly. Anyway, posting the question helped in itself, before the replies started flowing in.
As I clicked 'post' it occurred to me that when these melt downs are happening, they have a time frame. So instead of trying to stop it in its tracks, I would be better to allow Tully to really vent his anger and frustrations and to let him know I am there for him, calm and available for when he is ready for either a hug or chat. I was instead 'reacting' which never works.
They need to know we are able to cope with all of their moods, not just their happy ones. I believe in gentle parenting and thankfully there are lots of resources out there available to help inspire me to find alternative ways of parenting through the tougher days, when I start to doubt that my gentle approach can really work! I had heard about 'terrible twos' before (I don't like that term) and knew that what Tully was experiencing would fit that descripton, but he hadn't been so angry before and I felt there was an issue that needed resolving. So peace has been restored for now. I have asked them both not to scream at me when they are upset and get down on their level so I don't intimidate them by standing above them. It seems to be working for now.
Ali :-)
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