Tuesday: Day 1
Today went TERRIBLY. I feel like pulling my hair out and slitting my wrists. It feels like bub cried all day. I don’t know how he has the energy to cry that much. It’s not just crying though, it’s screaming!

I think I did what they taught me but it seems to have produced no results so now I’m doubting myself. Bub had a sleep this morning (after an hour of crying) but didn’t settle into a second sleep cycle.

I took him out for his six-month shots and he fell asleep 10 minutes before we got home. Fortunately he transitioned really well into his cot. When he woke I couldn’t resettle him into the next sleep cycle as he’d done a poo. So I gave him some awake time. It was only 10 minutes before he displayed a sleep sign. As taught yesterday, despite it only being 10 minutes, I put him back to bed. He cried for what felt like the rest of the afternoon. To listen to your child scream all day is emotionally exhausting. I wanted to join him. This is harder than I thought it would be. I feel like giving up.

What made it worse was that hubby was home sick (instead of work) and was questioning what I was doing. He hadn’t been at the sleep clinic so I was trying to remember all the reassuring things they had told me. I was too frazzled though. Who can think clearly with all the screaming! His questioning shook my confidence a little though.

Although today was a nightmare, now that bub is down for the night and I don’t have to listen to the screaming, some reassuring words from the ladies at the clinic are coming back to me.

“It’s important to be consistent.” “It may feel like nothing is happening at first but eventually it will click for him.” “Your child is not being harmed as a result of this process.” “It will get worse before it gets better.”

Yes, it’s definitely worse right now. Uggggghhh!!! So frustrated!!!

Wednesday: Day 2
Today was a bit of a fizzler. Bub had a slight temp (probably from yesterday’s shots) and I had to go out in the afternoon for a few hours so I wasn’t very strict or consistent. He did get three naps though, which was a first. At one point he was so tired and so worked up that I ended up rocking him to sleep. I know that breaks all the rules but I was headed out for the afternoon and was sure he wouldn’t sleep so I thought it better that he get sleep any way possible.

Having said that, they did stress you should only do what you can stand so there aren’t really any ‘rules’.

Much to my surprise bub did sleep while I was out. It took 55 minutes of screaming in a portacot (going in to pat him every five minutes) but he eventually went down for 40 minutes. I think it helped that I committed to patting him. They had actually told me at the sleep clinic I may have to spend a bit of time patting him initially as a way of transitioning him to non-assisted sleep. I must remember that tomorrow. I might have more success.

Tomorrow I mean business though and I am not going anywhere for a week so I can fully commit to this process. Even though there is a Tupperware party I want to go to on the weekend. I mean it!

Thursday: Day 3
Today I started a record of when bub sleeps, how long he cries and so on. That way I can see progress when I look back this time next week.

The morning did not start well. There was lots of crying and screaming and bub was very hard to settle. It doesn’t help that bub is so over tired that his senses are heightened (this is what they told me at the sleep clinic) to the point where he’s super sensitive to any little noise – such as hubby coughing and sneezing and blowing his nose… all day! Did I mention hubby is home sick? So that’s just been another challenge to throw in the mix.

I did have some wins though. After taking over an hour to get bub to sleep around midday, I was able to pat him into a second sleep cycle with only 10 minutes of awake/fussy time. This is significant progress. Yay!

After I fed him to sleep for bedtime (I’m sure I shouldn’t be doing this but oh well) he woke the second I put him down. I tried patting him to sleep but he was too awake so I just left him for a bit. I went back about 10 minutes later and he’d put himself to sleep with no tears! Win!

Prior to starting this, the average total amount of unassisted day-sleep bub would get was roughly 40 minutes up to 1.5 hours if I’m lucky. So at least I have a seemingly easy goal to beat!

Total daytime sleep: 2 hours 15 minutes

Friday: Day 4
To think that on Tuesday I wanted to throw in the towel and was questioning everything I had learned. Nothing so far as a mother has brought me as close to snapping as this sleep training business. But I’ve worked really hard and it’s starting to pay off!

Bub’s longest sleep today without interruption was 1.5 hours. Yay! He’s falling asleep much more easily too.

I’m feeling more relaxed and I’m getting so much done! I’m also very surprised at how long bub will happily play on his own when he’s awake. Normally he’d last five minutes and then demand my attention, want to be held, scream and so on. But today I sat him in his high chair with a toy while I pottered about the kitchen and he played silently (with some cooing here and there) for over half an hour. He seems to be a much more chilled out, happy and relaxed baby. Wins all around!

Total daytime sleep: 3 hours 30 minutes

Saturday: Day 5
Today was a disappointment after yesterday’s success. I’m trying to think if I did anything differently that may have caused such poor results? Bub was very unsettled and although he spent a lot of time in his cot, he just would not go to sleep. When he did go to sleep his longest sleep was 35 minutes with no hope of getting him to continue. In some instances it took over an hour to get him to sleep as well. As I’m now an expert on his sleep signs I know without a doubt that he’s tired, but he just flat out refused to sleep. I did have a lot of dark chocolate in the last 24 hours though. Ok, I ate a whole block. Oops. Perhaps he’s still teething or teething again? Or maybe it just happened to be his unsettled day of the week.

I guess we’ll see tomorrow. Pretty disappointed though :(

Total daytime sleep: 1 hour 50 minutes

Sunday: Day 6
I reached my breaking point today. Trying to sleep train a baby while your husband is at home watching action shows with loud gun shots and sudden rises in sound and then coughing loudly every other second is too much. It’s like I’m swimming against a rip. I’m working so hard to go in one direction but there’s something working against me and I’m just not making any progress. Actually I think we’ve gone backwards today.

It doesn’t help that I still question the timing of bub’s sleep signs. The battle that goes on in my head is exhausting.

“He just displayed a sleep sign. Yeah, but he’s only been up for 10 minutes. Should I put him down? Maybe he just needs me to play with him. Oh wait, he doesn’t need any additional stimulation. Watching me work in the kitchen is plenty stimulation for a baby his age, especially my baby who is super alert and ‘high on life’, so I’m told. Demanding attention is a sleep sign. But the clock? Maybe I should just wait for more sleep signs. Although the longer you leave it the harder for him to go to sleep. But he’s just woken up. Should I or shouldn’t I put him back down? Hmmm…”

Painful reading that isn’t it? I’m having that battle less and less everyday but it’s still hindering progress. I don’t fully trust those early sleep signs.

Sleep time was shocking today. Going out for lunch didn’t help. The sleep clinic did tell me it was really important to stay home for at least the first week and as much as possible after that – for the first month. I’ve broken this a few times which hasn’t helped. So I am not going anywhere all week! Except Thursday as I already have a commitment. But apart from that, I’m home all week. It’s harder than I thought it would be to stay home for a whole week.

I feel like giving up after such a shocking day, but I’m very stubborn and I will persist. Hoping bub hasn’t inherited stubbornness from me otherwise this could take a lot longer than it’s supposed to. L

Total daytime sleep: 1 hour 20 minutes

Monday: Day 7
It wasn’t a great start today with bub sleeping for 10 minutes, waking for 10 minutes, sleeping for 10 minutes, waking for 10 minutes. Very frustrating!!! So I called the sleep clinic as I needed some reassurance. Friday was great but everything has gone downhill since then. They said it’s not uncommon for there to be ups and downs in this process and that if bub is doing short sleeps then he’s still very overtired.

Today seems to have us back on track though. Hubby went back to work so having a quiet house had me more relaxed and possibly allowed bub to get more sleep too. Hoping it’s all just progress from here on out but I’m sure there’ll be more downs yet.

Total daytime sleep: 2 hours 25 minutes

Tuesday: Day 8
Today’s total sleep time was poor. But I’ve accepted that I can’t control my baby sleeping. I can only give him opportunities to sleep. He spent a lot of downtime in his cot, which they tell me is good rest even if not sleep. At least he’s not screaming. For now, I think I will persist for a month as recommended. If there’s little progress by then, I might go back to the sleep clinic. Will see how we go.

Feeling deflated.

Total daytime sleep: 1 hour 10 minutes

Wednesday: Day 9
I am thinking about giving up. Maybe two 35 minutes sleeps in a day is as good as it’s going to get. Bub doesn’t scream any more when I put him to bed. He spends a lot of time rolling around and not sleeping though. He did this for a whole hour today. It’s making me wonder if I’m putting him to bed too soon. Maybe he’s not tired. Maybe I was right about those tired signs. Maybe this whole thing is pointless.

Still feeling deflated.

Total Daytime Sleep: 1 hour 30 minutes

Thursday: Day 10
Although I don’t think we’re making major progress with total sleep time, I think we’ve made massive progress as far as bub being on board with naptime. He doesn’t cry much anymore at all. Just rolls around and enjoys some quiet non-stimulating time. I think at this point it’s just a matter of seeing if his sleep time increases by the end of a month. I would really love him to be doing more than one sleep cycle at a time. If not, I think I will have to settle with the things that have improved significantly since visiting the sleep clinic.

Bub is getting lots more rest even if not sleep. He’s happy about having a rest. He doesn’t cry when I put him down in his cot. He’s a much happier and relaxed baby when he is up and about. He is learning to put himself to sleep with less and less help from me. And not having to entertain him all day is saving my sanity, which let’s face it, benefits everyone in the long run.

Below are just a few of the key tips that I found really useful from the sleep clinic:

• Trust the sleep signs no matter what the clock says!
• If your baby protests when you put them down for a sleep, they ARE tired.
• Consistency is key.
• Results will come. Be persistent and patient.
• Do not go anywhere for at least the first week as it will make it harder for you and bub.
• When waiting those few minutes before checking on bub who is crying or screaming in his cot, do something. Do the dishes, fold some laundry. Focus on it, don’t rush and make sure you complete it. Then go and check on bub.

That last point is really important. I didn’t do this that first day at home and I think that’s why I found it so painful. Inbetween settling bub, I would just sit on my bed feeling the agony of his screaming protest. But since then I’ve done dishes, swept the floor, done some laundry and flossed. I never floss so this was a bit exciting.

Sleep is such a huge topic and also very individual for each mother and child combo. There’s no blanket solution that can successfully be applied to everyone at every age. I share my experience in the hope that something I’ve said might help someone else. Even if it’s just to remind you that there are child health nurses in your community that are there to help you. Doesn’t have to be sleep related. Whatever you’re struggling with as a mum, they have resources so ask for help!

Monday: Sleep Clinic Visit

Today was awesome! I learned so much about sleep and understand a little of what I have been doing wrong. What a fantastic free resource we have available!

The whole reason I ended up going to a sleep clinic is because my baby, although a great night sleeper, is a shocker when it comes to day sleep. He has never slept well in his cot, if at all. So he’s been sleeping on the go – in the pram, the car, the bouncer (although he’s too big for that now) and in the carrier. Obviously this is not going to work long term. Plus it means I haven’t been getting any down time during the day. Bub needs good quality sleep so it is in everyone’s best interest to get on top of this and early. Otherwise this could be an ongoing issue for years to come. Why wait?

I think my main problem has been failing to recognise the early sleep signs. Poor bub has just been getting more and more tired and therefore it’s been getting harder and harder for him to get to sleep. Apparently he has weeks of sleep to catch up on. I feel bad about that. But I can’t dwell on it. The best thing I can do is take on board the information I learned today and put it to good use.

So what did I learn? That I need to stop clock watching. I’ve been so confused as I’ve read the typical awake time for a six-month-old is about 1.5 to 2 hours. I also know what the sleep signs are on paper such as rubbing eyes, yawning, squealing, jerky movements, and so on. But these signs are usually displayed almost immediately after bub has woken up so I haven’t thought they were reliable. These signs conflict with what is supposed to be his allotted awake time. Even as I write this I feel a little stupid as I now know better, but surely I’m not the only one that has struggled with this conflicting information?!

When the staff at the sleep clinic told me almost immediately upon arrival that my baby was tired even though he slept in the car on the way to the clinic, I couldn’t help but question them. “He’s just had a sleep though.”

“See how his head is dropping and his movements are jerky? He’s ready to go down.”

Oh. Here I was thinking that we’d have two hours of fluffing around while waiting for bub to become tired. But I was there to learn so I gave myself fully to the process and help that was on offer.

The general putting-to-sleep routine taught at the clinic was firstly to act immediately upon seeing the first sleep sign. (They had to go over the sleep signs with me as I had taught myself not to trust them.) Put some calm music on, darken the room, talk to bub in a calm and soothing voice and put him down. There is no special art to it, you just put him down and walk away. He of course cried because he’s not used to that happening. After a little while (five minutes or whatever you can stand) go back in and either pat him, pat the bed or stroke his head – whatever your child tends to respond to. Reassure him in a calm tone saying things like “You’re ok,” and so on. Do that for a bit and then leave the room again. While out of the room, listen to the type of crying and assess your next move based on that. If he continues to scream, then obviously go back in – but after letting him cry a little. It’s important to go in regularly to reassure your child so they know that you are not far away. If it’s just a grizzle then let them keep going. The idea is to continue with this for an hour. An hour!!! Fortunately bub fell asleep just 45 minutes. What a marathon. If bub wakes after only one sleep cycle (that’s all my bub will do during the day), go in and attempt to resettle using the same techniques just mentioned. This time give it 20 minutes before giving up. He never went on to do a second sleep cycle for me while at the clinic L. Then you get bub up for some playtime and start all over again.

While chatting to the nurse and social worker, I expressed that I often doubt my ability to know if bub is tired. “For the time being, if in doubt, put him down,” the lady told me. “Really? Even if he’s only been up for 15 minutes?” I asked. “Well, what’s the worst that could happen if you put him down and he’s not tired,” she questioned? “He’ll scream for an hour.” “Actually, if he’s screaming that means he is tired. If he’s not tired and you put him down he will happily play in his cot on his own.” Well, that actually made sense and gave me some confidence to put him down more often. When he has resisted so strongly in the past I’ve foolishly thought, “I guess I was wrong about him being tired.” Feeling a little stupid for thinking that now.

I was at the clinic all day and I don’t think my child was out of the cot for more than 20 minutes at a time. They explained to me that this will likely continue to be his pattern until he catches up on sleep. Once he’s caught up, then I will learn if he needs more or less sleep than the average baby. But until he’s caught up (how will I know that by the way?) he’s likely to display sleep signs shortly after waking. And I’m going to feel like he’s in his cot all day.

There was a social worker on staff to chat with at the end of the day. I suppose they’re dealing with sleep-deprived mums and it’s an opportunity for them to see how you’re feeling about the new method of getting your baby to sleep. So I talked to the lady and expressed my concerns firstly being, is this going to cause any harm to my child? “No,” was the answer. “Your child not sleeping is going to cause way more harm than this. Your baby won’t remember this. Your baby wants to sleep but doesn’t know how to do that on his own yet. This will help him get there.”

I expressed another concern, “I guess I also struggle with this a little because I know so many people out there would judge me for allowing my baby to cry. There are so many people that say you shouldn’t do this.” This is a bit of a theme with me. I worry way too much about being judged. “There are one third of babies that are naturally good sleepers,” the lady explained, “another third can be rocked and put down easily and the other third need a lot more help. Those who don’t agree with this probably don’t have the latter.” Good point. She then went on to tell me, “Just don’t tell those people you’re doing it.” :)

Ok. I’m psyched. I can totally do this. It’s going to be hard but it’s for such a good cause. I left the clinic feeling confident and excited. Here’s to better quality for us all!

Little did I know that confidence would be shattered the following morning. :(

We have just come to the end of our first teething stint. Is it a stint? I’m not really sure how it all works. I read somewhere that when bub is teething you should expect three to five unsettled nights. It’s been six weeks for us. Having said that I think half of that was the bottom teeth coming through and the other half was the top teeth which are apparently coming through at the moment. I can’t see anything myself. My child health nurse told me they’re coming through though. We’ll see.

It’s been a rough road. We have had such a good baby as far as night sleep goes and then all of a sudden he started waking several times throughout the night. On average I would say he was up about three to four times each night. I feel a little bad even complaining as I know this is the norm for some people. It was quite a shock for us though. For this to last six weeks, has been trying. Nothing for teething really seemed to help much either. We tried Panadol, Bonjella, Brauers, gave bub teething rings. It was all pretty useless.

I had to abandon day-sleep training just when it was getting to such a great place because bub was just too cranky. Also during this time he learned to roll from his back to his front. So trying to pat him to sleep on his chest while in the cot proved very difficult as the second I started patting him he would roll over in protest. So I’ve been surviving the days by getting him to sleep in the pram, the carrier, the car, or I have fed him to sleep in bed and taken a nap myself. I know these are all bad habits as the only way of getting a baby to sleep but nothing else has worked. And you do what you have to do to survive.

With the lack of sleep during the night and day going on for so long (long for me anyway) I was just dying to get bub to the six month check with my local community health clinic. Maybe the nurses there would have some great tips or something that could help. The last time I went there I majorly hinted that day sleeps just weren’t happening and the nurse made a house visit to help me out. Win!

So I kinda went there with the same tactic. I may have played up my tiredness and bubs lack of sleep a little. I was just so desperate for some help. I may have gone a little too far as the nurse asked me to take a test to see if I was depressed. Whoops. I was just really tired and with no family around and no one to leave our baby with, both hubby and I are hanging on to our sanity by a thread. We are so desperate for a break. But that's another story. Anyway, I obliged and took the test which came out all good. But my slightly over dramatic complaints about bub's lack of sleep actually worked out well because the nurse gave me a referral to a sleep clinic. “That sounds expensive?” I questioned when she suggested it. “No, it’s a free service. It’s just that the clinic is an hour away.” Free? I’m not going to say no to free help. If I had to travel two hours for this kind of help I would. Poor sleeping habits can be an ongoing issue for years and years. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to deal with for everyone. Getting on top of this as early was possible was a priority. So I eagerly agreed to the referral.

My nurse also took the time to point out that perhaps bub wasn’t sleeping so well through the night because I had not started him on solids yet. She clearly disapproved. By this point I had had many people suggest that’s why he wasn’t sleeping well. I knew it was teething and not a hunger issue. But no one seemed interested when I said that. I think their shock of someone exclusively breastfeeding until six months blocked out anything I said after that. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s the case,” I told her politely, “as when he wakes up in the night, he really doesn’t feed much. He mostly comfort sucks because the teething is making him so uncomfortable.” “Yes, well, if you start him on solids you might find that he starts sleeping better throughout the night.” Like I said, it was as though no one heard my perfectly sound explanation as to why solids was not an issue.

It was always so disappointing because I would say it with pride. Being your baby’s only source of nutrition for six months is a huge effort. Well, I think it is anyway. But I was mostly looked down upon for it.

Much to my delight bub actually slept a whole 10 hours the following night. And this was prior to starting him on solids. I took this to signify he was at the end of his teething woes for the time being. I’m so glad he did that prior to starting solids just so that I could prove my point to everyone that doubted me.

Meanwhile, I’m booked in to that sleep clinic tomorrow with my main complaint being that bub won’t sleep more than 40 minutes at a time during the day. But as I’m writing this I keep checking on him because he’s been asleep for over an hour and a half. This is the first time since he was about two months old that he’s slept this long in his cot during the day. If he does this tomorrow at the sleep clinic I’m going to feel pretty stupid.

Wish me luck!