You know how we all have characteristics that we aren’t particularly proud of? I have many, but for the sake of my illustration, let’s look at my lack of flexibility. I’m naturally very rigid and don’t like flexing my plans. People who know me though, wouldn’t necessarily describe me this way. That’s because I’m aware of this and have always made a conscious effort to work against it. However, when I’m running on very little sleep, it’s not surprising I come undone in this area.

In a nutshell, that’s how I have changed since becoming a mum. All the things I’ve tried not to be are starting to come to the surface. Eeek!

For starters, I have never been one for small talk. I realise how important it can be in relationship building and networking bla bla bla. Because of this I have spent years and lots of energy engaging people in small talk. I know this is easy for some, but I’ve always seen it as fluff that’s preventing me from getting things done and have had to really work at it – especially in the work place. Of course there is a time and place for everything and sometimes it can be easy for me, but generally speaking, I’m not a fan.

Secondly, I have always been someone who guards their time. I’m very careful as to how I spend my time, with who, how long and for what purpose, as I need to make sure I set enough time aside that’s just for me. Moments in my life where I have just given my time away without taking any for me, have caused me to shut down. To counteract that, I take back ALL my time and won’t give any to anyone! Ha ha. How strange am I?! Actually this is sort of what happened when we had our baby. As I approached my due date I had more and more people hassling me, er, um, I mean, asking me how I was going and if the baby had arrived yet. I know people weren’t doing anything wrong but it all got too much for me. So I shut down my communication systems as much as possible. I stopped answering my phone for the most part and I turned my Facebook wall off. And of course I avoided going outside of the house as this seemed to be an invitation for people to talk to me. But like I said, lack of sleep and in that particular instance just being SUPER uncomfortable, drove me to be the person I have spent a lot of energy trying not to be.

Thirdly, something that has changed for me is my relationship to obligations. Throughout my life I have been fairly obliging because I thought that is what you’re supposed to do. My husband has shown me the light though. This all came about when we were discussing if we wanted visitors in hospital when we had the baby. I knew without a doubt I didn’t want visitors but felt that I couldn’t turn people away. I felt obliged to others. Hubby drummed into me that I needed to do what was best for me and not for everyone else. So after several conversations, and feeling guilty about it, we decided not to take visitors. It was the best decision I ever made. So it got me thinking about all the obligation in my life and how I can cut down on it. Obviously you can’t live your entire life obligation free, unless you want to live the lonely life of a hermit and have no part of society. But I think the lack of sleep has made it easier for me to create more of a balance in my life. Being so tired all the time has forced me to ask myself if certain things are really worth the cost to me and my sanity? So yes, I’m definitely learning to oblige others less.

So combine time hogging with a lack of interest in small talk and someone who is becoming less likely to oblige others, and you end up with… well, it certainly isn’t someone that’s awesome, that’s for sure. Despite knowing this, I have no immediate plans to change anything. For this time in my life, I just have to hope that people let me off the hook and don’t hold me to too high of a standard, because life isn’t easy for the time being.

All of the above are really just things that rob energy from me. At this time in my life, any energy I have is precious and for now I give it firstly to my baby and husband and then the few close people I have in my life. I don’t really have any in reserve for the times that I would have in the past, obliged others.

I think the real reason I’m writing about this is because despite sounding like I don’t think I need to apologise for being the way I am, I’m actually walking around feeling guilty about it. So all of the above is something I’m saying in the hopes of convincing myself that it’s ok that I’m like this right now. It’s ok that I haven’t been as hospitable as I should be. It’s ok that I don’t go to every social event I’m invited too. It’s ok that I’m not able to give as much of myself to others as I used to. Being a new mum who is constantly sleep deprived is a valid reason, excuse, whatever you want to call it. Right? Right??

And here I thought becoming a mum would make me a better person. Huh!

This week I think I would be more appropriately titled the Crazy Lady as opposed to the No-Frills mum. You’ll see…

Recently bub has become a lot more mobile. Which has really forced me to straighten the house out and remove as many potential hazards as possible. Actually, I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence of timing or not, but I’m all of a sudden seeing more and more hazards everywhere I go. In fact, everything I look at is a potential hazard.

I was at a family gathering recently where all the kids were in the pool. There were seven children under six plus some older than that. My cousin happened to mention to me that for a baby, all it takes is 10 seconds for their lungs to fill with water. I suppose the insinuation was that it only takes 10 seconds for them to die. That got my heart going. This just happened to be a few days before I took bub to his first swimming lesson. I was totally freaked out about slipping or tripping in the pool with bub. I was on edge the whole time. As we were leaving the lesson, the teacher gave us a booklet to read about swim safety. So when I got home I started reading through it. I was immediately drawn to all the testimonials. There was one on every page. I only read two of them though as I soon realised they were all testimonials of people who had lost their children to drowning. I couldn’t bare to keep reading. When hubby got home I was close to telling him that we needed to pack up and move to the middle of Australia, to a place where there are no dams or pools of water near by. What are we all thinking living on the coast of Australia?

The other night when I had finished putting bub down for the night, I came out to see hubby inspecting his car, which is parked outside. He had just looked under his bonnet and saw evidence to suggest that rats had been there. So without a thought outside of his car, he grabbed some ratsac and carelessly sprinkled it all around his car. I watched him dropping it on the ground and then walk over it in the very pair of thongs bub had had in his mouth the previous day. I was in disbelief as I watched this happen. Am I the only one that sees how easily this poison could get to our baby, let alone anyone else? Needless to say the next day I spent the time sweeping it all up and threw the rat sac in the bin. And threw out the broom that I used.

A fear of mine is that someone will try to take my child. Whenever I’m out and about I am super diligent about watching bub. If I have to look away from the pram, my hands and often feet are securely on it/in front of the wheels, to prevent anyone from coming along and racing off with it.

The other day while at home, I heard a noise out the back. Before going to check it out, I made sure the front door was closed and locked just in case the noise was a distraction so that someone could sneak in and take my baby while I was busy out the back. This has probably come from watching too many CSI type shows.

Then I saw on Facebook that someone who lives in my area had their child almost kidnapped. If I wasn’t freaked out enough already I am now. I don’t know the details but it was all over Facebook that a couple on a motorbike had tried to take this woman’s child. And they live in my area!!! Since then, when I’m out and about, I’m always looking over my shoulder.

If I’m out for a walk with the pram and I see dogs, especially the scary looking ones, I watch them so closely and I’m ready to jump into action and do whatever is necessary to keep them away from my baby.

The other day I was getting bub out of the car into the stroller at the shops. There was a step to get the stroller from beside my car to the footpath, so I tipped the stroller back to get the front wheels up. At the same time a man was walking on the path. I know I shouldn’t do this, but I instantly judged the man because he was dressed in old clothes, lots of facial hair and fit the typical description of someone that could be homeless. He started coming toward me and the pram, and actually lent down towards bub. I had no idea what he was doing. All I knew was that a strange man was coming towards my baby for no apparent reason. I got a bit of a fright and stopped, possibly even started moving backwards. He backed off immediately. I then realised he was leaning down to help me get the pram up the step. I quickly said, ‘Oh thank you’ but kept going. I’m sure that some might think I’m not very nice for my reaction. For all I know he could be the most gentle and friendly guy out there. But this is the world we live in and I’d do it again on the off chance that I'm dealing with someone that will hurt my baby.

Bub’s room has a sliding door to the backyard. I pretend that it’s not a door and I make a habit of never opening it because I don’t want to accidentally forget to lock it one day. I lay in bed at night straining my ears to hear if anyone is breaking into his room to take him. For extra safety I’ve placed a fan in front of his sliding door so that intruders would trip over it thus making noise to alert me, if they tried to break in.

Everywhere I look there are batteries, chords, choking hazards, kidnappers, deadly germs, chemicals, dogs, criminals, bad drivers and the list goes on. I’m forever asking myself the question, ‘how could this thing or situation potentially hurt our child?’

So you tell me; am I crazy or is this normal? I’m new to this mum thing so I have no idea if others do this. But I suspect it’s quite likely that I lean more towards ‘crazy’ on the sane-crazy scale.

I’m usually pretty good at knowing what ‘feedback’ to take on board and what to ignore. Lately a few comments and situations have stuck out to me. My son, who is now around seven months, seems to be rather attached. “He’s really attached to you” has been said a few times. It hasn’t been said as a bad thing or a good thing. But it is something that has stuck with me.

These days it seems that EVERYTHING is potentially harming our kids. Finding that middle ground seems impossible. Either kids are too attached to their parents or they don’t have much of a bond at all. They are too naughty or they are so extremely disciplined that they don’t have the freedom to be kids. I always strive for that middle ground, I’m just not sure how often I hit it. So when I hear a few comments and witness this attachment for myself, I start to question what has brought us to this.

We don’t live near immediate family. The relatives that do live near by all have their own kids so whenever we see them I don’t feel like I can just hand my kid off to them. That’s really something that grandparents are good for.

A few weeks ago, hubby and I went for a trip to visit my parents. Bub was being a bit clingy and I needed to get something done without holding a baby – and didn’t have anywhere to put him down. I tried to give him to my mum but he got very upset. My mum, not wanting to force the relationship so as to allow bub to get to know her at his own pace, didn’t think it was a good idea to take him. So I went and dumped him on hubby saying “Can you take him? He won’t go to anyone else.” Hubby was shocked. “What? Really?!” I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to discuss, so just yelled out “Yep,” as I exited the room. This trip was the first time we really noticed this kind of behaviour from our son.

Since then I’ve continued to see it more and more. When visiting relatives he immediately gets cranky when someone else takes him from me (with my permission of course). On the weekend we had a friend drop by and she was worried about picking him up and I said, “Just pick him up. He’ll cry but he’s ok.” He did cry but she put him straight back down!

Then this morning, I took him to his first swimming lesson. The lady that took the class was great. The class had babies as young as six months up to over one year old. On occasion she would take a baby to gently put their face under the water. When she took bub he started crying. She made a comment after the second time this happened and I didn’t quite catch the end of it. Actually I think she caught herself and didn’t finish what she was saying. Something along the lines of “Make sure he’s facing you when I take him so he can see you as he’s got attachment…” Attachment what? No other baby had this problem. I wish she had finished that sentence.

I’ve discussed it with hubby. He’s not concerned at all. Given our situation in that we’re not living near family, it’s probably pretty normal. It’s probably also an age thing. I’ve heard that around this age they get very attached.

I guess I’m just always concerned about where current, seemingly innocent behaviour could be headed. Prior to becoming a mum there were a few things I drummed into myself:

1. Never parent out of selfishness. What I mean by this is, never hold back doing something that will be of benefit to my child/children such as disciplining them, just because it makes me feel bad. That would be making it about me when it should be about them.
2. Always look at where certain behaviour may be headed long term. Such as bad sleeping habits or tantrum throwing. When they’re little, throwing tantrums isn’t great. But if it is not addressed and continues, then as they get older it can be harmful behaviour to those around them as well as to themselves.

So when I see that my son appears to be more attached to his mummy than the average Joe, I do ask myself, where is this behaviour headed if not addressed now? Is it a stage? Do I need to help him get over this? Did I make him this way? Do I need to make a conscious effort to give him to others to hold as often as possible? Or will this make it worse? I don’t have the answers to these questions. I guess all I can do is a bit of trial and error and see what happens.

But this has confirmed that moving near family is definitely important. The benefits for everyone are limitless. Time to pick up some moving boxes I’d say!