So now that I have a four-month-old baby, I’m pretty sure I have this whole thing down pat and can offer some excellent advice to other mums. LOL. I’m so kidding!!! I think the one thing I’ve learnt is that no one ever has it down pat. But if I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, here is what I would tell pregnant me, to put me at ease:
- No one can give you excellent advice with guaranteed solutions for your child. Every child is different.
- When receiving advice, (and you will get this weather you ask for it or not) have an open mind. Take the advice as suggestions. Some will work. Some won’t. But it’s worth trying them out if you get stuck.
- Trial and error. Don’t be afraid to try different things. Finding solutions for your problems is really about trial and error. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else and keep trying different things until something works. Even re visit previous solutions that didn’t work before. As your child grows, they may respond differently to things.
- Don’t research every little possible thing or read a million books. It’s likely a waste of time and money. Your child will let you know what you need to look into. If you have a child that is not sleeping well through the night, then research it. If you have a colicy child, research that. If you have low breast milk supply, research that. But there are about a gazillion different things you could research prior to having your child and it’s unlikely you will need all of it. Obviously it’s good to have a rough idea but don’t bother getting too deep into everything. On the flip side, once you learn whatever your issues may be, DO research them. Don’t accept that you’re simply someone who has low supply. There are usually things you can do to improve your situation so do yourself a favour and find out what they are. Google, community nurse, other mums, your own mum. Exhaust your resources!
- Accept that you can’t be prepared for everything. Most of your learning will be on the job. And that’s ok.
- Always have a mental list of things you can cycle through with your child in situations that stress you out. For me that is a screaming baby in public or really just a screaming baby. I try rocking him for a period of time, then try burping him, then patting him on your shoulder, then bouncing him or a going for a walk in the pram and so on. When you’ve finished going through whatever your options may be and your child is still crying or doing whatever it is that stresses you (and you know they’re not sick or anything), start again. Which brings me to my next point.
- Nothing lasts forever. Whatever hardship you’re facing with your child, remember that this is a phase and will not last forever. This is your life only for now. It’s for a season.
- Don’t rule out any methods / techniques before you have your child. Every child is different (as you will hear a lot) and you don’t know what will and won’t work. Be familiar with ways of doing things such as having your baby cry it out as opposed to the no cry sleep solution, formula vs breastfeeding, dummy vs no dummy and so on. You never know what will work for your kid or what desperate measures will drive you to do. Be open-minded.
- Take cues from your child. I have heard so many times things like ‘babies just love routine’ and ‘babies love to be wrapped’. In the wise words of my local community nurse, “Not all adults like routine or any one thing so why would all babies like the same thing?” I personally thrive with routine and would love to have one, but my kid isn’t interested in a strict routine. He does things differently depending on the circumstances. I just have to go with that. All I can do is learn him and do my best to work in with that.
- Go with your gut. At the end of the day, you know what you can handle, your individual circumstances and you know your baby better than anyone – including medical professionals. Go with your gut.
- You will make mistakes. That’s ok. This is part of the journey. Learn from them and move on. You’re doing the best you can and that is better than good enough. Good on you.
- Expectations. So much upset in life comes down to expectations that weren’t met. Road rage for instance. Doesn’t that really come down to the fact that we expect everyone else to drive in a particular way? When they don’t, we get upset. Expectations are key! Before you have a baby, talk to people who have been there and ask them for the real deal, not the fluffy version. Adjust your expectations accordingly. This may mean having no expectations.
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