I just read a post by one of the pages I ‘like’ on Facebook. It was a picture of the gorgeous Princess Kate holding the new Prince George, with Wills and dog posing beside her. They both look very happy. The person posting the picture made a comment about how they secretly hope life is as chaotic behind the scenes as theirs were with a newborn. This reopened an old ‘wound’ of mine from early parenthood.
As I approached the end of my pregnancy, I would constantly get comments (and I’m sure every pregnant woman does) about how I need to enjoy the last few moments of freedom, enjoy the last few weeks of unbroken sleep, of sleep at all for that matter, the last few weeks of organization – before utter chaos, sleep deprivation and horror descends on your comfortable life. This would frustrate me to no end. This poor child isn’t even born and people are trying to conform her to a certain type of evil child who causes her parents no end of grief.
I had a different approach to parenthood. It was: assume the best and be prepared for the worst. I did not go into the process assuming that I would get no sleep, be completely messy and disorganised and live in my pajamas. I made a pact with myself before bub was born that, every morning, I would get up and have a shower and get dressed, no matter the amount of sleep gotten. Obviously sickness would be the only exception here. I assumed that life would go on very nicely with a beautiful little addition to the family. I had a very positive outlook on the whole thing and it angered me when everyone tried to pin horror and insane screaming on a small, yet unborn, creature.
As I approached the end of my pregnancy, I would constantly get comments (and I’m sure every pregnant woman does) about how I need to enjoy the last few moments of freedom, enjoy the last few weeks of unbroken sleep, of sleep at all for that matter, the last few weeks of organization – before utter chaos, sleep deprivation and horror descends on your comfortable life. This would frustrate me to no end. This poor child isn’t even born and people are trying to conform her to a certain type of evil child who causes her parents no end of grief.
I had a different approach to parenthood. It was: assume the best and be prepared for the worst. I did not go into the process assuming that I would get no sleep, be completely messy and disorganised and live in my pajamas. I made a pact with myself before bub was born that, every morning, I would get up and have a shower and get dressed, no matter the amount of sleep gotten. Obviously sickness would be the only exception here. I assumed that life would go on very nicely with a beautiful little addition to the family. I had a very positive outlook on the whole thing and it angered me when everyone tried to pin horror and insane screaming on a small, yet unborn, creature.
"Anyway, bub was born. She was perfect as all babies are to their parents."
Anyway, bub was born. She was perfect as all babies are to their parents. She came home. I got up every morning after about 8 hours of sleep, not unbroken, but excellent sleep. Had a shower every morning. My house stayed organised. I had a happy, content baby who fed every four hours happily. She was in the 98th percentile for weight, so all the critics that told me I had to demand feed could go jump for all I cared. Anyone who saw her would consider her a happy, balanced, content and secure baby.
At about the 6 week mark, when she hadn’t turned into a horror child as everyone had predicted, the same people who had wished evil on me earlier were now jealous and angry. They said things like ‘wait til 12 weeks.’ Or ‘don’t worry, you haven’t escaped this easily.’ It would drive me insane. Why did they have to wish the worst on their friend, because these were ‘friends’ of mine saying this. Why was everyone out to make her horrible when she clearly wasn’t? And by the way I believe every baby is beautiful and good, just sometimes their circumstances make them unsettled for whatever reason.
We reached the 12 week mark and she still wasn’t awful. They all gave up wishing ill on this child and said things like ‘I hope your second child is the most ratty, awful, screaming child.’ Why? Why do you wish that? Why would ANYONE wish that? And these were friends of mine.
I believe that a large percent of a baby’s temperament comes from the mother and father’s reactions to things. Their attitude, expectations and beliefs. I was always confident and positive. She fed off that. I didn’t like it when people wanted to make her unsettled and unhappy all the time. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are many situations that are out of the parents control that can make babies unsettled and unhappy. I am not saying that this is the only factor. And I am not saying that if your baby is unsettled or unhappy that you are not a confident or positive mother. Not at all. All I am saying is I wish people would allow babies to be non-screaming, non-disruptive joys! And I wish they would stop wishing them otherwise when they are content and happy.
My Rascal is now a 14 month little lady. And still a joy. Occasionally when she’s teething she might whinge (see The West Ausralian Whinge) but in general she has remained a happy, content baby and sleeps beautifully at night with about 5 exceptions over the course of her life. I have no idea what will happen when I have another child but I am certainly going into it with the same attitude. And I sincerely hope Kate and Wills are having a wonderful, calm, contented time with their little bundle of joy. There’s no reason why they can’t!
Libby :)
At about the 6 week mark, when she hadn’t turned into a horror child as everyone had predicted, the same people who had wished evil on me earlier were now jealous and angry. They said things like ‘wait til 12 weeks.’ Or ‘don’t worry, you haven’t escaped this easily.’ It would drive me insane. Why did they have to wish the worst on their friend, because these were ‘friends’ of mine saying this. Why was everyone out to make her horrible when she clearly wasn’t? And by the way I believe every baby is beautiful and good, just sometimes their circumstances make them unsettled for whatever reason.
We reached the 12 week mark and she still wasn’t awful. They all gave up wishing ill on this child and said things like ‘I hope your second child is the most ratty, awful, screaming child.’ Why? Why do you wish that? Why would ANYONE wish that? And these were friends of mine.
I believe that a large percent of a baby’s temperament comes from the mother and father’s reactions to things. Their attitude, expectations and beliefs. I was always confident and positive. She fed off that. I didn’t like it when people wanted to make her unsettled and unhappy all the time. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are many situations that are out of the parents control that can make babies unsettled and unhappy. I am not saying that this is the only factor. And I am not saying that if your baby is unsettled or unhappy that you are not a confident or positive mother. Not at all. All I am saying is I wish people would allow babies to be non-screaming, non-disruptive joys! And I wish they would stop wishing them otherwise when they are content and happy.
My Rascal is now a 14 month little lady. And still a joy. Occasionally when she’s teething she might whinge (see The West Ausralian Whinge) but in general she has remained a happy, content baby and sleeps beautifully at night with about 5 exceptions over the course of her life. I have no idea what will happen when I have another child but I am certainly going into it with the same attitude. And I sincerely hope Kate and Wills are having a wonderful, calm, contented time with their little bundle of joy. There’s no reason why they can’t!
Libby :)
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