Recently I decided that my baby not sleeping well during the day was not going to work for either of us long term. I felt like it was slowly eating away at my soul and soon I would have nothing left to give anyone. I wasn’t getting any down time at all, which translates to no sanity time. Entertaining a baby ALL day, every day, is so exhausting. Now that he was four months old, it was time to do something about it. So I dropped some major hints to my local community nurse and she offered to come and see if she could help. Prior to this visit from the nurse I was all over the place as far as trying to get bub down during the day. I would mostly sit him in the bouncer and bounce him to sleep. But he’d wake up when I stopped bouncing him. Alternatively I would rock him to sleep on me. Again, the second I stopped rocking or tried to put him down, he’d wake up. He would sleep in the pram or in the car, but I could not for the life of me get him to sleep without assistance. Long term I could see thing being a problem. Especially as it was my goal to eventually do some work from home. So once I hit the four-month mark I thought it was the perfect time for us both to learn how to get some day sleep happening in bub's cot.
The nurse arrived at my house at around 10.30am one fine Tuesday morning. She actually kept trying to pass me on to Tresillian but I didn’t think we were at that stage just yet. Anyway, we got to work straight away. My nurse, Kim, instructed me to simply put bub (who was rather sleepy) down in the cot. “What?” I whispered, “there’s no way he’ll do that.” “What do you usually do?” She asked. “I rock him in the chair, sing to him and then when he’s asleep I put him down. If I’m lucky he stays down for about five minutes.” “Oh no, don’t do all that. Just put him down and walk out of the room.”
Well, I had asked the nurse for help because what I had been doing wasn’t working, so I would be a fool not to try whatever she was suggesting. I submitted completely to everything she told me to do, even though I was a little skeptical as to whether it would work.
So I put bub down and walked out of the room. Of course he cried. She instructed me to leave him and we walked into the kitchen “So tell me about this blender,” Kim said. “Trying to distract me?” I questioned. She continued to do this for a few minutes. “See now, he’s not really escalating that much in his cries. Just let him go for a little longer. He’s obviously tired so he’ll go down.” Again, I was skeptical but did exactly as she instructed. After what felt like an eternity she instructed me to go in and pat him. “Where do I pat him?” “On his chest. I’ll do it so you can see.”
So we went into the room where my poor baby was crying. Kim patted him on the chest and also on the mattress next to his head. He didn’t seem to like that. I had actually tried the bed patting before and he hated it. She did it for a few minutes and then instructed me to have a go, ensuring I did not give any eye contact. “He needs to disengage so don’t give him eye contact.” He settled only slightly. She then instructed me to leave the room again. In which case he got worked up. We waited about five or 10 minutes and then went back in and repeated. “You’d better pick him up,” she said. Was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one that his tears were getting to. He settled immediately. I patted him for a little while and she instructed me to put him back down. And of course he started crying immediately. There was even a bit of tantrum in there as he kicked his legs in protest. I resumed the patting on his chest and on the bed next to his head. “He’s very determined not to sleep,” she said. I could tell she was being polite as I think what she really meant to say was that he’s being super stubborn.
We left the room and basically continued this pattern of letting him cry for a bit and then going in to pat him and so on. Each time his cries got less and less intense. Eventually, what felt like 10 hours later (ok, was actually only an hour), he was asleep. We both left the room and I silently prayed he was stay asleep.
We debriefed in the kitchen. “Ok, first up, it’s way too quiet here and bub is very sensitive to noise. He was almost asleep when a car drove by and that seemed to aggravated him.” “Oh I didn’t even hear that.” “It might be an idea to play some music or have some sort of noise constantly going.” This lady was originally from Sydney so of course she thought my peacefully small town was too quiet. She went on to say that she thought I had done a really good job as far as allowing him to cry as she could see how difficult it was for me. “I promise it will get better,” she encouraged, “give it a few days and provided you are consistent with it, you’ll see results. I promise.” There’s no way I would have had the confidence to do any of that without a professional present. I found her great in that she worked in with my baby and was taking note as to what worked with him and what didn’t. The bed patting ended up working, but I just had to be a lot more rough. The theme with him is that any sort of movement gets him to sleep so whacking the mattress seemed to settle him, oddly enough.
“You know, some days I just think I’m no good at my job,” Kim confided. “But then I hear from mums that this has actually worked for them. Provided they are consistent with it, they get results. So just give it a chance and you will see results.”
As mentally draining as the morning had been, watching my baby cry, knowing I could settle him simply by picking him up, there was no point going through any of that if I wasn’t willing to see it through. I decided I would keep going with this for a week and if there was no progress, I would drop it. Plus, bub stayed asleep for a full sleep cycle after this, which is the longest he has ever slept in his cot during the day.
That afternoon when I went to put bub down for his nap, I mentally had to psych myself up. The morning stint had really drained me. I felt like I’d run a marathon and here I was about to do it again. But to my surprise it only took half an hour this time. I did it again the next morning and it only took 15 minutes. Bub only ever stays asleep for one sleep cycle but I’ll take whatever I can get. Getting 40 minutes here and there is a lot better than what I had been getting.
Over time he slowly made more and more progress. He regressed when he was particularly cranky or teething, but for the most part he seemed to accept this was the deal now.
I can’t tell you how much this has changed my life. It was only once this started working that I realised how trapped and stressed out I had felt. All of a sudden I felt a huge weight lift. Not only that, I had been living in fear of the day naps, knowing that it was all work and very little reward. My daily mood totally changed. I felt like I was alive again!
We’re now at a place where he pretty well goes down with very minimal fuss in the morning, however, it’s still a bit of crying and patting in the afternoon. I tend to give up after half an hour of going in and out. If he’s not asleep by then, I will either put him in the pram, car or carrier, or take him into bed and have a nap myself.
There are so many television shows and documentaries (ok, it’s Dr Phil, yes I watch Dr Phil) that show parents who don’t want to say ‘no’ or discipline their child. The poor child ends up much worse off later in life because of it. So before I had a baby I told myself I need to regularly ask myself the question, ‘Am I doing this for my own needs or for the long term good of my child?’ Sure, saying ‘no’ may upset your child in the short term and make you feel terrible because they’re telling you that they hate you, but the long term consequences of making decisions because they make you feel good in the moment, are much worse. And that’s what allowed me to persist with this method of getting bub to sleep. I can see that it’s not for everyone, nor every baby, but it certainly has worked for us in our situation and for that we’re both grateful. If you feel like you’re out of options and need some sanity, use your resources and call in your local community nurse. It could change your life!
The nurse arrived at my house at around 10.30am one fine Tuesday morning. She actually kept trying to pass me on to Tresillian but I didn’t think we were at that stage just yet. Anyway, we got to work straight away. My nurse, Kim, instructed me to simply put bub (who was rather sleepy) down in the cot. “What?” I whispered, “there’s no way he’ll do that.” “What do you usually do?” She asked. “I rock him in the chair, sing to him and then when he’s asleep I put him down. If I’m lucky he stays down for about five minutes.” “Oh no, don’t do all that. Just put him down and walk out of the room.”
Well, I had asked the nurse for help because what I had been doing wasn’t working, so I would be a fool not to try whatever she was suggesting. I submitted completely to everything she told me to do, even though I was a little skeptical as to whether it would work.
So I put bub down and walked out of the room. Of course he cried. She instructed me to leave him and we walked into the kitchen “So tell me about this blender,” Kim said. “Trying to distract me?” I questioned. She continued to do this for a few minutes. “See now, he’s not really escalating that much in his cries. Just let him go for a little longer. He’s obviously tired so he’ll go down.” Again, I was skeptical but did exactly as she instructed. After what felt like an eternity she instructed me to go in and pat him. “Where do I pat him?” “On his chest. I’ll do it so you can see.”
So we went into the room where my poor baby was crying. Kim patted him on the chest and also on the mattress next to his head. He didn’t seem to like that. I had actually tried the bed patting before and he hated it. She did it for a few minutes and then instructed me to have a go, ensuring I did not give any eye contact. “He needs to disengage so don’t give him eye contact.” He settled only slightly. She then instructed me to leave the room again. In which case he got worked up. We waited about five or 10 minutes and then went back in and repeated. “You’d better pick him up,” she said. Was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one that his tears were getting to. He settled immediately. I patted him for a little while and she instructed me to put him back down. And of course he started crying immediately. There was even a bit of tantrum in there as he kicked his legs in protest. I resumed the patting on his chest and on the bed next to his head. “He’s very determined not to sleep,” she said. I could tell she was being polite as I think what she really meant to say was that he’s being super stubborn.
We left the room and basically continued this pattern of letting him cry for a bit and then going in to pat him and so on. Each time his cries got less and less intense. Eventually, what felt like 10 hours later (ok, was actually only an hour), he was asleep. We both left the room and I silently prayed he was stay asleep.
We debriefed in the kitchen. “Ok, first up, it’s way too quiet here and bub is very sensitive to noise. He was almost asleep when a car drove by and that seemed to aggravated him.” “Oh I didn’t even hear that.” “It might be an idea to play some music or have some sort of noise constantly going.” This lady was originally from Sydney so of course she thought my peacefully small town was too quiet. She went on to say that she thought I had done a really good job as far as allowing him to cry as she could see how difficult it was for me. “I promise it will get better,” she encouraged, “give it a few days and provided you are consistent with it, you’ll see results. I promise.” There’s no way I would have had the confidence to do any of that without a professional present. I found her great in that she worked in with my baby and was taking note as to what worked with him and what didn’t. The bed patting ended up working, but I just had to be a lot more rough. The theme with him is that any sort of movement gets him to sleep so whacking the mattress seemed to settle him, oddly enough.
“You know, some days I just think I’m no good at my job,” Kim confided. “But then I hear from mums that this has actually worked for them. Provided they are consistent with it, they get results. So just give it a chance and you will see results.”
As mentally draining as the morning had been, watching my baby cry, knowing I could settle him simply by picking him up, there was no point going through any of that if I wasn’t willing to see it through. I decided I would keep going with this for a week and if there was no progress, I would drop it. Plus, bub stayed asleep for a full sleep cycle after this, which is the longest he has ever slept in his cot during the day.
That afternoon when I went to put bub down for his nap, I mentally had to psych myself up. The morning stint had really drained me. I felt like I’d run a marathon and here I was about to do it again. But to my surprise it only took half an hour this time. I did it again the next morning and it only took 15 minutes. Bub only ever stays asleep for one sleep cycle but I’ll take whatever I can get. Getting 40 minutes here and there is a lot better than what I had been getting.
Over time he slowly made more and more progress. He regressed when he was particularly cranky or teething, but for the most part he seemed to accept this was the deal now.
I can’t tell you how much this has changed my life. It was only once this started working that I realised how trapped and stressed out I had felt. All of a sudden I felt a huge weight lift. Not only that, I had been living in fear of the day naps, knowing that it was all work and very little reward. My daily mood totally changed. I felt like I was alive again!
We’re now at a place where he pretty well goes down with very minimal fuss in the morning, however, it’s still a bit of crying and patting in the afternoon. I tend to give up after half an hour of going in and out. If he’s not asleep by then, I will either put him in the pram, car or carrier, or take him into bed and have a nap myself.
There are so many television shows and documentaries (ok, it’s Dr Phil, yes I watch Dr Phil) that show parents who don’t want to say ‘no’ or discipline their child. The poor child ends up much worse off later in life because of it. So before I had a baby I told myself I need to regularly ask myself the question, ‘Am I doing this for my own needs or for the long term good of my child?’ Sure, saying ‘no’ may upset your child in the short term and make you feel terrible because they’re telling you that they hate you, but the long term consequences of making decisions because they make you feel good in the moment, are much worse. And that’s what allowed me to persist with this method of getting bub to sleep. I can see that it’s not for everyone, nor every baby, but it certainly has worked for us in our situation and for that we’re both grateful. If you feel like you’re out of options and need some sanity, use your resources and call in your local community nurse. It could change your life!
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