You know how we all have characteristics that we aren’t particularly proud of? I have many, but for the sake of my illustration, let’s look at my lack of flexibility. I’m naturally very rigid and don’t like flexing my plans. People who know me though, wouldn’t necessarily describe me this way. That’s because I’m aware of this and have always made a conscious effort to work against it. However, when I’m running on very little sleep, it’s not surprising I come undone in this area.
In a nutshell, that’s how I have changed since becoming a mum. All the things I’ve tried not to be are starting to come to the surface. Eeek!
For starters, I have never been one for small talk. I realise how important it can be in relationship building and networking bla bla bla. Because of this I have spent years and lots of energy engaging people in small talk. I know this is easy for some, but I’ve always seen it as fluff that’s preventing me from getting things done and have had to really work at it – especially in the work place. Of course there is a time and place for everything and sometimes it can be easy for me, but generally speaking, I’m not a fan.
Secondly, I have always been someone who guards their time. I’m very careful as to how I spend my time, with who, how long and for what purpose, as I need to make sure I set enough time aside that’s just for me. Moments in my life where I have just given my time away without taking any for me, have caused me to shut down. To counteract that, I take back ALL my time and won’t give any to anyone! Ha ha. How strange am I?! Actually this is sort of what happened when we had our baby. As I approached my due date I had more and more people hassling me, er, um, I mean, asking me how I was going and if the baby had arrived yet. I know people weren’t doing anything wrong but it all got too much for me. So I shut down my communication systems as much as possible. I stopped answering my phone for the most part and I turned my Facebook wall off. And of course I avoided going outside of the house as this seemed to be an invitation for people to talk to me. But like I said, lack of sleep and in that particular instance just being SUPER uncomfortable, drove me to be the person I have spent a lot of energy trying not to be.
Thirdly, something that has changed for me is my relationship to obligations. Throughout my life I have been fairly obliging because I thought that is what you’re supposed to do. My husband has shown me the light though. This all came about when we were discussing if we wanted visitors in hospital when we had the baby. I knew without a doubt I didn’t want visitors but felt that I couldn’t turn people away. I felt obliged to others. Hubby drummed into me that I needed to do what was best for me and not for everyone else. So after several conversations, and feeling guilty about it, we decided not to take visitors. It was the best decision I ever made. So it got me thinking about all the obligation in my life and how I can cut down on it. Obviously you can’t live your entire life obligation free, unless you want to live the lonely life of a hermit and have no part of society. But I think the lack of sleep has made it easier for me to create more of a balance in my life. Being so tired all the time has forced me to ask myself if certain things are really worth the cost to me and my sanity? So yes, I’m definitely learning to oblige others less.
So combine time hogging with a lack of interest in small talk and someone who is becoming less likely to oblige others, and you end up with… well, it certainly isn’t someone that’s awesome, that’s for sure. Despite knowing this, I have no immediate plans to change anything. For this time in my life, I just have to hope that people let me off the hook and don’t hold me to too high of a standard, because life isn’t easy for the time being.
All of the above are really just things that rob energy from me. At this time in my life, any energy I have is precious and for now I give it firstly to my baby and husband and then the few close people I have in my life. I don’t really have any in reserve for the times that I would have in the past, obliged others.
I think the real reason I’m writing about this is because despite sounding like I don’t think I need to apologise for being the way I am, I’m actually walking around feeling guilty about it. So all of the above is something I’m saying in the hopes of convincing myself that it’s ok that I’m like this right now. It’s ok that I haven’t been as hospitable as I should be. It’s ok that I don’t go to every social event I’m invited too. It’s ok that I’m not able to give as much of myself to others as I used to. Being a new mum who is constantly sleep deprived is a valid reason, excuse, whatever you want to call it. Right? Right??
And here I thought becoming a mum would make me a better person. Huh!
In a nutshell, that’s how I have changed since becoming a mum. All the things I’ve tried not to be are starting to come to the surface. Eeek!
For starters, I have never been one for small talk. I realise how important it can be in relationship building and networking bla bla bla. Because of this I have spent years and lots of energy engaging people in small talk. I know this is easy for some, but I’ve always seen it as fluff that’s preventing me from getting things done and have had to really work at it – especially in the work place. Of course there is a time and place for everything and sometimes it can be easy for me, but generally speaking, I’m not a fan.
Secondly, I have always been someone who guards their time. I’m very careful as to how I spend my time, with who, how long and for what purpose, as I need to make sure I set enough time aside that’s just for me. Moments in my life where I have just given my time away without taking any for me, have caused me to shut down. To counteract that, I take back ALL my time and won’t give any to anyone! Ha ha. How strange am I?! Actually this is sort of what happened when we had our baby. As I approached my due date I had more and more people hassling me, er, um, I mean, asking me how I was going and if the baby had arrived yet. I know people weren’t doing anything wrong but it all got too much for me. So I shut down my communication systems as much as possible. I stopped answering my phone for the most part and I turned my Facebook wall off. And of course I avoided going outside of the house as this seemed to be an invitation for people to talk to me. But like I said, lack of sleep and in that particular instance just being SUPER uncomfortable, drove me to be the person I have spent a lot of energy trying not to be.
Thirdly, something that has changed for me is my relationship to obligations. Throughout my life I have been fairly obliging because I thought that is what you’re supposed to do. My husband has shown me the light though. This all came about when we were discussing if we wanted visitors in hospital when we had the baby. I knew without a doubt I didn’t want visitors but felt that I couldn’t turn people away. I felt obliged to others. Hubby drummed into me that I needed to do what was best for me and not for everyone else. So after several conversations, and feeling guilty about it, we decided not to take visitors. It was the best decision I ever made. So it got me thinking about all the obligation in my life and how I can cut down on it. Obviously you can’t live your entire life obligation free, unless you want to live the lonely life of a hermit and have no part of society. But I think the lack of sleep has made it easier for me to create more of a balance in my life. Being so tired all the time has forced me to ask myself if certain things are really worth the cost to me and my sanity? So yes, I’m definitely learning to oblige others less.
So combine time hogging with a lack of interest in small talk and someone who is becoming less likely to oblige others, and you end up with… well, it certainly isn’t someone that’s awesome, that’s for sure. Despite knowing this, I have no immediate plans to change anything. For this time in my life, I just have to hope that people let me off the hook and don’t hold me to too high of a standard, because life isn’t easy for the time being.
All of the above are really just things that rob energy from me. At this time in my life, any energy I have is precious and for now I give it firstly to my baby and husband and then the few close people I have in my life. I don’t really have any in reserve for the times that I would have in the past, obliged others.
I think the real reason I’m writing about this is because despite sounding like I don’t think I need to apologise for being the way I am, I’m actually walking around feeling guilty about it. So all of the above is something I’m saying in the hopes of convincing myself that it’s ok that I’m like this right now. It’s ok that I haven’t been as hospitable as I should be. It’s ok that I don’t go to every social event I’m invited too. It’s ok that I’m not able to give as much of myself to others as I used to. Being a new mum who is constantly sleep deprived is a valid reason, excuse, whatever you want to call it. Right? Right??
And here I thought becoming a mum would make me a better person. Huh!
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