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I’m usually pretty good at knowing what ‘feedback’ to take on board and what to ignore. Lately a few comments and situations have stuck out to me. My son, who is now around seven months, seems to be rather attached. “He’s really attached to you” has been said a few times. It hasn’t been said as a bad thing or a good thing. But it is something that has stuck with me.

These days it seems that EVERYTHING is potentially harming our kids. Finding that middle ground seems impossible. Either kids are too attached to their parents or they don’t have much of a bond at all. They are too naughty or they are so extremely disciplined that they don’t have the freedom to be kids. I always strive for that middle ground, I’m just not sure how often I hit it. So when I hear a few comments and witness this attachment for myself, I start to question what has brought us to this.

We don’t live near immediate family. The relatives that do live near by all have their own kids so whenever we see them I don’t feel like I can just hand my kid off to them. That’s really something that grandparents are good for.

A few weeks ago, hubby and I went for a trip to visit my parents. Bub was being a bit clingy and I needed to get something done without holding a baby – and didn’t have anywhere to put him down. I tried to give him to my mum but he got very upset. My mum, not wanting to force the relationship so as to allow bub to get to know her at his own pace, didn’t think it was a good idea to take him. So I went and dumped him on hubby saying “Can you take him? He won’t go to anyone else.” Hubby was shocked. “What? Really?!” I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to discuss, so just yelled out “Yep,” as I exited the room. This trip was the first time we really noticed this kind of behaviour from our son.

Since then I’ve continued to see it more and more. When visiting relatives he immediately gets cranky when someone else takes him from me (with my permission of course). On the weekend we had a friend drop by and she was worried about picking him up and I said, “Just pick him up. He’ll cry but he’s ok.” He did cry but she put him straight back down!

Then this morning, I took him to his first swimming lesson. The lady that took the class was great. The class had babies as young as six months up to over one year old. On occasion she would take a baby to gently put their face under the water. When she took bub he started crying. She made a comment after the second time this happened and I didn’t quite catch the end of it. Actually I think she caught herself and didn’t finish what she was saying. Something along the lines of “Make sure he’s facing you when I take him so he can see you as he’s got attachment…” Attachment what? No other baby had this problem. I wish she had finished that sentence.

I’ve discussed it with hubby. He’s not concerned at all. Given our situation in that we’re not living near family, it’s probably pretty normal. It’s probably also an age thing. I’ve heard that around this age they get very attached.

I guess I’m just always concerned about where current, seemingly innocent behaviour could be headed. Prior to becoming a mum there were a few things I drummed into myself:

  1. Never parent out of selfishness. What I mean by this is, never hold back doing something that will be of benefit to my child/children such as disciplining them, just because it makes me feel bad. That would be making it about me when it should be about them.
  2. Always look at where certain behaviour may be headed long term. Such as bad sleeping habits or tantrum throwing. When they’re little, throwing tantrums isn’t great. But if it is not addressed and continues, then as they get older it can be harmful behaviour to those around them as well as to themselves.
So when I see that my son appears to be more attached to his mummy than the average Joe, I do ask myself, where is this behaviour headed if not addressed now? Is it a stage? Do I need to help him get over this? Did I make him this way? Do I need to make a conscious effort to give him to others to hold as often as possible? Or will this make it worse? I don’t have the answers to these questions. I guess all I can do is a bit of trial and error and see what happens.

But this has confirmed that moving near family is definitely important. The benefits for everyone are limitless. Time to pick up some moving boxes I’d say!

9/4/2016 04:09:02 am

Oh my goodness! What an emotional roller coaster you must be on! I pray things work out and I trust that they will. Glad baby A is rockin it! I hope baby b catches up to speed.

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