My 18 month old has this game he likes to play with me, whereby after a nappy change he stands on the change table, and at the count of three he leaps off and into my arms. For just a few milliseconds he is in mid-air with nothing holding onto him. However, if I try this game with my 2.5 year old, he will not let go of my arms while he jumps and says the whole time 'Be Carebul Mummy, Carebul Carebul' (Carebul in toddler language = Careful!). He never use to be like this - we have an awesome collection of photos of my husband throwing him high up into the air and catching him when he was about 6 months old and he loved it!
It got me thinking...When do we stop trusting? Is it a learnt awareness that we are not immortal, that we can fall and get hurt? Is it from a developmental leap and a new understanding that unless your feet are planted firmly on the ground - then your possibly going to get hurt? Is it Fight or Flight kicking in? Or is it simply that our trust was placed in someone - only for them to break it?
I struggle with trust - I used to struggle with trusting the right people. I trust that a majority of people are trustworthy and that I try to always see the best in people.
However, this has sometimes back fired - to soon discover that in fact the ones I trusted the most - were the ones who broke it the most.
Now I struggle with trust full stop. I am now a stay at home mum, who spends her days raising her children, cleaning the house, cooking dinner and writing blogs. (Oh! how I would l love to squeeze in some time to paint! one day soon I hope!)
If people or friends in my everyday life ask how I am - I have learnt to smile and nod. When deep down I am battling with a lot of things. I have learnt to hold my cards very close to my chest - even though I want to scream at the top of my lungs that in fact I am struggling and I am lonely. I have learnt to no longer trust people with such information and so, when I play that game with my boy, I can't help but wonder what exact moment in time made me be this way? When did I stop trusting?
Its not something I am going to figure out at this current time while writing this blog - its just something that I am pondering at the moment...I am amazed everyday at how the little people in our lives can unknowingly make us grow as people and heal from the past. They are only so little with still so much to teach me.
The Reflective Mum xx
It got me thinking...When do we stop trusting? Is it a learnt awareness that we are not immortal, that we can fall and get hurt? Is it from a developmental leap and a new understanding that unless your feet are planted firmly on the ground - then your possibly going to get hurt? Is it Fight or Flight kicking in? Or is it simply that our trust was placed in someone - only for them to break it?
I struggle with trust - I used to struggle with trusting the right people. I trust that a majority of people are trustworthy and that I try to always see the best in people.
However, this has sometimes back fired - to soon discover that in fact the ones I trusted the most - were the ones who broke it the most.
Now I struggle with trust full stop. I am now a stay at home mum, who spends her days raising her children, cleaning the house, cooking dinner and writing blogs. (Oh! how I would l love to squeeze in some time to paint! one day soon I hope!)
If people or friends in my everyday life ask how I am - I have learnt to smile and nod. When deep down I am battling with a lot of things. I have learnt to hold my cards very close to my chest - even though I want to scream at the top of my lungs that in fact I am struggling and I am lonely. I have learnt to no longer trust people with such information and so, when I play that game with my boy, I can't help but wonder what exact moment in time made me be this way? When did I stop trusting?
Its not something I am going to figure out at this current time while writing this blog - its just something that I am pondering at the moment...I am amazed everyday at how the little people in our lives can unknowingly make us grow as people and heal from the past. They are only so little with still so much to teach me.
The Reflective Mum xx
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