Breast Feeding with Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT)

All throughout my pregnancy, I imagined exclusively breast feeding. I never really thought anything of my funny shaped breasts, just thought that because my mum had basically no breast tissue at all that I had inherited that. When I got put into post natal ward, I was finally holding her for the first time and the midwife came in and immediately told me to put her down so I don't 'spoil' her too much with too many cuddles. So I immediately didn't feel bonded to her. I finally got to feeding her, and she latched like a pro. After losing 13% of her body weight and absolutely screaming night after night in hospital, it was recommended to give formula and within 5 minutes of having that she was sound asleep. I was absolutely devasted that I could not pump more than 5ml or EBF. I went home with a SNS (Supplemental Nursing System), but it was so overwhelming for me, with not much support from my midwives who kept telling me to bottle feed her because of my PND. I ended up using it for 8 weeks, but finally starting bottle feeding and pumping, taking Motillium 4 times a day. I did see an increase to pumping about 35ml, but she had refused the breast at 12 weeks (I would put her on when she was upset, but not for an actual feed as she just fussed and I couldn't deal with the rejection and not having enough milk to give her). At 13 weeks I stopped pumping and taking motillium (I had gained 10kgs since her birth from it and was in a dangerous weight zone). I really wanted to continue to pump, but with her rejecting it, i felt like such a failure and like it wouldn't make much difference anyway. So now, at 8 months post birth, I think I have finally come to terms with my condition, and have begun to make peace with it all. Yes, I will never exclusively breast feed any future children. Yes, I will always need formula. Yes, I will probably feel sad when I bottle feed my newborns in the hospital. But I will always, ALWAYS love my children, and that is more important than what kind of milk goes into my babies tummies. Love will never fail them.