Rhythm is something I've thought a lot about over the past few years. I long for a home filled with creativity, love and home made food. I have days with my little loves that seem to just flow. They are blissful days! I always try and remember what it was I did differently on those days. I'm definitely less distracted by my phone on the days that flow well which helps for me to remain present.

The days when I'm not feeling present, are when the wheels tend to fall off.

This week started strangely. I think it was a combination of things after being away for a week with Matt. Tullaroo seemed to react badly to a week away without him and became resentful towards me, lashing out with screaming and a temper I hadn't seen before! Meanwhile Jedi seemed to fade into the background while I tired to help him calm down several times while we were away, and then a few when we came home. I expected her to have a reaction after he settled back down and she did. So it was an interesting 10 days and gave me a chance to learn.

I posted an exasperated status update on facebook asking for gentle methods to cope with these sudden melt downs. I felt my babies had lost some trust in me temporaily which was quite heart breaking! When they are angry and upset, I feel it's almost always a direct response to my head space at that time. Or am I blaming myself unnecessarily?! Mothers are definitely prone to blaming ourselves when things go wrong but what I mean is, there is a level of disconnection between us at those times and I'm not really listening or observing their needs properly. Anyway, posting the question helped in itself, before the replies started flowing in.

As I clicked 'post' it occurred to me that when these melt downs are happening, they have a time frame. So instead of trying to stop it in its tracks, I would be better to allow Tully to really vent his anger and frustrations and to let him know I am there for him, calm and available for when he is ready for either a hug or chat. I was instead 'reacting' which never works.

They need to know we are able to cope with all of their moods, not just their happy ones. I believe in gentle parenting and thankfully there are lots of resources out there available to help inspire me to find alternative ways of parenting through the tougher days, when I start to doubt that my gentle approach can really work! I had heard about 'terrible twos' before (I don't like that term) and knew that what Tully was experiencing would fit that descripton, but he hadn't been so angry before and I felt there was an issue that needed resolving. So peace has been restored for now. I have asked them both not to scream at me when they are upset and get down on their level so I don't intimidate them by standing above them. It seems to be working for now.

Ali :-)

I have been on a different planet this week! Planet gastro. I hope we don't visit it again in the near future.

It started on Sunday night with Jedda and Matt coming down with it at the same time. Followed by Tully on Wednesday and me with the grand finale on Thursday. I am so much better at being the carer than the patient. Actually, I'd probably have better patient skills if I were able to BE the patient but what is a mummy to do I ask?! Especially a mother who is breastfeeding on demand. The demand doesn't just stop because I'm sick.

I must say, I had major breastfeeding aversion for the first time since Tully was born. This makes me sad to admit but at the same time, I feel most mothers probably would have felt the same way. Vomiting one minute, breastfeeding the next... you get the picture.

It's been a crazy full on week. 

I'm also driving to Brisbane tomorrow with the kids and my mum to see my beautiful sister and my lovely niece for the next week. Hopefully my migraine eases in time for the car trip which feels long at the best of times. We don't have a DVD player for the car yet. I keep pretending we are living in the 80's and that kids still want to play eye spy and 'count the coloured cars'. I clearly remember counting white cars on long trips. Jed is a happy traveller. We do hear 'are we there yet?' every half hour or so but aside from that, she is my low maintenance travel mate. Tully is another story! But he isn't really interested in TV shows or movies yet (except for the Edinburgh tattoo as he's obsessed with bagpipes) so I don't think a DVD player would work anyway. And I just don't know if I can listen to bagpipes for hours on end whilst driving. Plus there is something inside of me just wanting to keep car travel a bit old fashioned and boring. I know, mean mummy!! No, I'm not really. If we decide to get one to make our lives easier, so be it. Our family is spread so far and wide across this large country, that we will be travelling a lot. I figure as they get older, it will be easier to entertain without technology ... or do I need someone to burst my bubble?!

I hold no judgment against those with DVD players by the way!! I totally understand why they were invented.

We will be away until next weekend and I am going without my trusty lap top, so will write again when we get home. Hopefully I will have a tale to tell from our week away. I'm looking forward to switching off from the distractions of daily life at home, that is for sure.

Until then, I hope you all have a lovely and healthy week!

Ali xx