You know how people talk about that moment when the baby first comes out? Something about an instant connection or love at first sight? I can’t say that was my experience at all. I felt instant relief. Relief that he was finally out, relief that he was safe, relief that I was no longer pregnant and relief that I could finally start the recovery process from all the damage pregnancy does to one’s body. Not to mention feeling incredibly tired. My first thoughts or feelings about my baby were more along the lines of ‘gees, he’s a big baby and ‘wow, his sack is almost bigger than his butt’ (apparently all boys come out retaining some fluid in ‘that’ area and the swelling goes down over the next few days). I can’t say that I felt like a mum instantly nor did I feel that parental love that people talk about. In fact the first few hours of my baby’s life, my mind was mostly on the excruciating pain I was feeling as the nurse was a little slow getting me pain relief after the epidural from my c-section had worn off.
During the first few weeks of my baby’s life, my thoughts were focused on the job at hand; learning to feed, changing nappies, settling him and just generally learning how to care for my baby. During this time my love for him grew but for me it was and still is about getting to know him as a person. The more I get to know him, the more I love him. In fact, I recently said to hubby, “If I had known that bub would be this awesome, I would have complained a lot less during pregnancy.” The beauty of hindsight.
It’s taken me a while to get on board with the whole idea of being a parent. Who am I kidding, I’m still not on board. I’m four months in and I still don’t really see myself as a mum. It’s a bit of a foreign thought to me. I just can’t make that switch in my head overnight. When people refer to me as a parent or a new mum it makes me kinda uncomfortable. My first thought is usually ‘who are they referring to? Oh wait, that’s me, apparently.’ So I asked a friend when she first felt like a mum. “My baby was about eight weeks old and the in-laws were visiting and he wouldn’t stop crying. My mother-in-law tried to settle him to give me a break. But he wouldn’t settle. I couldn’t stand it any more so I took him back and he settled immediately. Seemed he just wanted me. His mum.”
I have well and truly passed the eight-week mark and am still not ‘feeling it’. I know logically that I am his mum, I just haven’t felt it. I’m hoping any day now that moment happens for me.
Well, that moment happened for me today. Yes, today Monday, 22 July. Today I was shopping to kill time while my car was being serviced. I was in Big W looking for a particular Bonds onesie that I happen to love (pictured). It’s doubled over in the chest area to keep bub extra warm. Plus I love the fabric used, the stretchiness of it and this particular onesie is a bit longer which is perfect as my bub is longer than average. In case you can’t tell, I’m a tad obsessed with this onesie. I’ve only seen it in DJs before but have looked in other shops that I know stock Bonds stuff. Well today I found it in Big W, which was the highlight of my day. There were different colours as well as summer and winter versions. I felt like I had struck gold. I grabbed a few in different colours and sizes. I was just looking at a few other items on my way out of the baby section when a young woman came up to me and said something complimentary about my baby – I wasn’t really paying attention. She then said something about needing to get a gift for her niece but didn’t know what babies wear. I would usually miss that this was a cue for me to give a suggestion. I’m actually impressed with myself for picking up on this. She went on to tell me that her niece was three weeks old. I told her that I thought onesies were great and more specifically which onesie I happened to love. Knowing I’m not necessarily normal as I favour practical over cute any day, I added “but hey, that’s just me and everyone is different so she may like something different.” “Oh no,” she said, “It’s good to get this from a mum.” I don’t know why, but this made me feel super awkward which would have been apparent as I let out an awkward laugh and then got out of there as quickly as possible. This complete stranger saw me with a baby and credited me as being a mum. And she was serious. No laughter accompanied her comment. It felt strange that someone would put any faith in my knowledge as a mum. What do I know? I’ve only been at this for a few months. As I continued to walk around the shops, her words kept ringing in my head. The more I thought about it, the less (and only slightly less) awkward it felt. This might actually be the start of me feeling like I’m a mum. How strange!
During the first few weeks of my baby’s life, my thoughts were focused on the job at hand; learning to feed, changing nappies, settling him and just generally learning how to care for my baby. During this time my love for him grew but for me it was and still is about getting to know him as a person. The more I get to know him, the more I love him. In fact, I recently said to hubby, “If I had known that bub would be this awesome, I would have complained a lot less during pregnancy.” The beauty of hindsight.
It’s taken me a while to get on board with the whole idea of being a parent. Who am I kidding, I’m still not on board. I’m four months in and I still don’t really see myself as a mum. It’s a bit of a foreign thought to me. I just can’t make that switch in my head overnight. When people refer to me as a parent or a new mum it makes me kinda uncomfortable. My first thought is usually ‘who are they referring to? Oh wait, that’s me, apparently.’ So I asked a friend when she first felt like a mum. “My baby was about eight weeks old and the in-laws were visiting and he wouldn’t stop crying. My mother-in-law tried to settle him to give me a break. But he wouldn’t settle. I couldn’t stand it any more so I took him back and he settled immediately. Seemed he just wanted me. His mum.”
I have well and truly passed the eight-week mark and am still not ‘feeling it’. I know logically that I am his mum, I just haven’t felt it. I’m hoping any day now that moment happens for me.
Well, that moment happened for me today. Yes, today Monday, 22 July. Today I was shopping to kill time while my car was being serviced. I was in Big W looking for a particular Bonds onesie that I happen to love (pictured). It’s doubled over in the chest area to keep bub extra warm. Plus I love the fabric used, the stretchiness of it and this particular onesie is a bit longer which is perfect as my bub is longer than average. In case you can’t tell, I’m a tad obsessed with this onesie. I’ve only seen it in DJs before but have looked in other shops that I know stock Bonds stuff. Well today I found it in Big W, which was the highlight of my day. There were different colours as well as summer and winter versions. I felt like I had struck gold. I grabbed a few in different colours and sizes. I was just looking at a few other items on my way out of the baby section when a young woman came up to me and said something complimentary about my baby – I wasn’t really paying attention. She then said something about needing to get a gift for her niece but didn’t know what babies wear. I would usually miss that this was a cue for me to give a suggestion. I’m actually impressed with myself for picking up on this. She went on to tell me that her niece was three weeks old. I told her that I thought onesies were great and more specifically which onesie I happened to love. Knowing I’m not necessarily normal as I favour practical over cute any day, I added “but hey, that’s just me and everyone is different so she may like something different.” “Oh no,” she said, “It’s good to get this from a mum.” I don’t know why, but this made me feel super awkward which would have been apparent as I let out an awkward laugh and then got out of there as quickly as possible. This complete stranger saw me with a baby and credited me as being a mum. And she was serious. No laughter accompanied her comment. It felt strange that someone would put any faith in my knowledge as a mum. What do I know? I’ve only been at this for a few months. As I continued to walk around the shops, her words kept ringing in my head. The more I thought about it, the less (and only slightly less) awkward it felt. This might actually be the start of me feeling like I’m a mum. How strange!
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