Our baby was only two weeks when this topic came up. Hubby was getting ready to go back to work for the first time since we’d had our baby. I was doing baby talk to bub who was sitting in his bouncer on the kitchen bench. I jokingly said to hubby as he walked by, “So when do you want to start on the next one?” I can’t emphasise how much of a joke this was to me. “Oh yeah, as soon as you’re ready to go,” he said as he passed through the room. “Um, was that a joke?” I yelled out to him in another room. “It had better be a joke,” I said more quietly to bub sitting in front of me. As hubby walked back through the room and out the door for work, he smiled and said “Nah, let’s go straight away.” What?! Surely he was joking. One could easily assume he was joking. But something told me he wasn’t. And then he was gone – off to work.
It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I tentatively brought up the subject. I was a little scared to bring it up because I had a feeling he was dead serious. Now, hubby has a habit of avoiding serious conversations so I waited until we were in the car to bring it up – there’s no escaping me when we’re in the car. So as we were driving along I asked him “So, like, were you serious when you said you think we should start on our next kid straight away?” “Yeah.” I was a little dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. As I was fumbling to find the right words to respond, trying to figure out where to start, he kept going. “Look, it took us how many years to get pregnant with this one, the longer we wait, the more likely it is we have more trouble or possibly can’t even have more kids.” This isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds. We know a couple in a similar situation and it has us both freaked out. But after what I had just been through in pregnancy, there’s no way I was going to go again straight away. My challenge was to communicate this to hubby in a way that he would accept it. “Yeah, ok, but, like, I need time to recover.” “Do you want to have more than one kid?” “Yes.” “Then recovering is a luxury we can’t afford.” I love how he said it like it was that simple. At that point I didn’t have much to say as I was kinda feeling hurt by this. Being a female I tend to read into things. The fact that he even thought this way told me that he didn’t have a clue or an appreciation of what I went through just by being pregnant. If I were to become pregnant again immediately, it would break me. I consider myself to be pretty strong, but I also know my limits. And this would push me over the edge with no sign of recovering in the foreseeable future.
Hubby wouldn’t let me argue it though. No matter what excellent reasons I gave for not going again straight away, he’d just cut me off with “Do you want more children or not?” It was as though he had already decided there couldn’t possibly be a reason that would trump that argument.
At this point I realised I needed some professional reinforcement. I knew without a doubt that no medical professional would agree with my husband – actually no woman would agree with him. So I let it go for the time being and waited patiently for my postnatal appointment.
“So when would you say is a good time to go again?” I asked my obstetrician. “Two weeks ago,” he said. My eyes just about popped out of my head. “What?!” I exclaimed. “You can have sex as of two weeks ago,” he said as though I should know that. I did know that. I didn’t care about that.
Me: Oh no, I mean go again as in get pregnant again?
Doctor: Oh, I thought you meant the fun stuff. As far as getting pregnant, is that something you want to do soon?
Me: No, but my husband does. As you may recall it took us a while to get pregnant in the first place and my husband thinks that if we wait we’ll have trouble again. So he wants to go again right now. I need time to recover and I need your medical knowledge and advice to back me up.
Doctor: Well just tell me how long you want to wait and I’ll tell you that’s the amount of time you have to wait.
How awesome is my doctor?! But then he got serious and explained that I do need to give my body time to heal. He went into detail about the possibility of my cut bursting open if I got pregnant too soon as a result of not giving it enough time to fully heal. If that happened then I would lose my baby and my uterus. Talk about not having any more children! He advised me to wait two years before getting pregnant if I wanted to have a vaginal birth and waiting about six months if I was happy to have another c-section. He warned that it would be a guaranteed c-section if I got pregnant within the next two years. I thought that sounded like a very solid argument to wait. My cut bursting open had me a little freaked out I must admit.
When I got home I relayed this conversation to hubby. As I suspected there was no arguing with that! Finally we were both agreed. We would wait to have more children. Crisis averted, sanity saved. I could now enjoy being pregnant-free without fear of it happening again too soon. What a load off!
It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I tentatively brought up the subject. I was a little scared to bring it up because I had a feeling he was dead serious. Now, hubby has a habit of avoiding serious conversations so I waited until we were in the car to bring it up – there’s no escaping me when we’re in the car. So as we were driving along I asked him “So, like, were you serious when you said you think we should start on our next kid straight away?” “Yeah.” I was a little dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. As I was fumbling to find the right words to respond, trying to figure out where to start, he kept going. “Look, it took us how many years to get pregnant with this one, the longer we wait, the more likely it is we have more trouble or possibly can’t even have more kids.” This isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds. We know a couple in a similar situation and it has us both freaked out. But after what I had just been through in pregnancy, there’s no way I was going to go again straight away. My challenge was to communicate this to hubby in a way that he would accept it. “Yeah, ok, but, like, I need time to recover.” “Do you want to have more than one kid?” “Yes.” “Then recovering is a luxury we can’t afford.” I love how he said it like it was that simple. At that point I didn’t have much to say as I was kinda feeling hurt by this. Being a female I tend to read into things. The fact that he even thought this way told me that he didn’t have a clue or an appreciation of what I went through just by being pregnant. If I were to become pregnant again immediately, it would break me. I consider myself to be pretty strong, but I also know my limits. And this would push me over the edge with no sign of recovering in the foreseeable future.
Hubby wouldn’t let me argue it though. No matter what excellent reasons I gave for not going again straight away, he’d just cut me off with “Do you want more children or not?” It was as though he had already decided there couldn’t possibly be a reason that would trump that argument.
At this point I realised I needed some professional reinforcement. I knew without a doubt that no medical professional would agree with my husband – actually no woman would agree with him. So I let it go for the time being and waited patiently for my postnatal appointment.
“So when would you say is a good time to go again?” I asked my obstetrician. “Two weeks ago,” he said. My eyes just about popped out of my head. “What?!” I exclaimed. “You can have sex as of two weeks ago,” he said as though I should know that. I did know that. I didn’t care about that.
Me: Oh no, I mean go again as in get pregnant again?
Doctor: Oh, I thought you meant the fun stuff. As far as getting pregnant, is that something you want to do soon?
Me: No, but my husband does. As you may recall it took us a while to get pregnant in the first place and my husband thinks that if we wait we’ll have trouble again. So he wants to go again right now. I need time to recover and I need your medical knowledge and advice to back me up.
Doctor: Well just tell me how long you want to wait and I’ll tell you that’s the amount of time you have to wait.
How awesome is my doctor?! But then he got serious and explained that I do need to give my body time to heal. He went into detail about the possibility of my cut bursting open if I got pregnant too soon as a result of not giving it enough time to fully heal. If that happened then I would lose my baby and my uterus. Talk about not having any more children! He advised me to wait two years before getting pregnant if I wanted to have a vaginal birth and waiting about six months if I was happy to have another c-section. He warned that it would be a guaranteed c-section if I got pregnant within the next two years. I thought that sounded like a very solid argument to wait. My cut bursting open had me a little freaked out I must admit.
When I got home I relayed this conversation to hubby. As I suspected there was no arguing with that! Finally we were both agreed. We would wait to have more children. Crisis averted, sanity saved. I could now enjoy being pregnant-free without fear of it happening again too soon. What a load off!
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